Part 28: The Bonga Bugle, Part 1: Ethical Journalism, Shmethical Shmournalism

Update 28: The Bonga Bugle, Part 1: Ethical Journalism, Shmethical Shmournalism

In This Update:
- Shopkeeping!
- Pots!
- Fending off unsavory types!

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Welcome back! Today we look at one of Ivalice's most beloved institutions: the free press! We're going to help the Head Editor of the Bonga Bugle write some well-researched, hard-hitting articles about current events and hot topics in Ivalice.

The Bonga Bugle, Ivalice's finest heap of yellow journalism newspaper, publishes one issue per month. In the interest of keeping these updates from dragging on too long, we're going to cover all 12 issues over three updates.


Our first piece of investigative journalism: Laws! A most beloved institution in Ivalice, to be sure.

The secret password is "simply lovely".


Like several other Bonga Bugle quests, the initial quest is just an interview with the Head Editor. If we're hired, we'll help him with the actual journalism part later.



: And we're looking at... That's right, unusual laws! Ahem! But before we get started...

: I'd like to conduct a simple interview, if you would? All right, here goes!


That is certainly an interview question, yessir.


What happens if we choose a "wrong" answer?


Worth a shot.



: You're hired!

: ... I suppose all's well that ends well.

: So, if I may begin... This time we'll be looking at the law against being robbed! Our chosen venue: the streets of Fluorgis! I'll be heading out now! See you there! And don't go forgetting!



Shortly after, in Fluorgis:




That's a really annoying law! There's abilities that will protect your stuff from being stolen, but honestly... they're thieves. Just knock them out.


Henri is getting some experience as a Defender, because it's one of the two bangaa jobs we haven't really used.

: This month's special: the rarest laws of the land! And we'll not only be reporting on them - we'll be living by them! Well, you will, at least. The law against "being robbed", specifically.

: All right! I'm going to start shooting, so look serious!



: That's right, that's it! Oh, this is going to be a good one, I can feel it! Right! Everyone, do your thing! Here we go!

: Serious... Serious...

: I... suppose I can fight and uphold the law. I am not sure about anything else.




This might be the best joke in the game.

_{He's concentrating on being serious. He's so focused.}


Most of the Bonga Bugle battles are pretty easy, honestly. It helps that we're doing them so late.


For example, this battle was entirely Leed killing everyone with Magick Frenzy.


Lenolia got in on the action too.


You can't run away from an Illusionist!



: Another fine piece of photo-journalism in the proverbial bag! Now, I'm off to the desk! I can feel the words inside me, screaming to be born upon the page!

: I look forward to seeing your words on paper.

: Thank you, thank you.




Yeah, Leed really deserves MVP here.


Every Bonga Bugle is available in the pub under the "Notices" section.


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We'll be going month-by-month. Up next: shopping?





: This month we're taking a look at the working people. That's right, the ones that make it all happen! I'd like to start by interviewing the employees right here, in this Targ shop... How is everyone feeling? Ready to sell!?

: Wait... Where is everybody?

: As far away from here as they could possibly get. After you tried to take the dressing-room curtain home as a souvenir. Of course they refused to do your interview!

There's a bunch of possibilities for what the Head Editor did. In my run, it was, "After you drank every X-Potion in the shop and didn't pay a single gil."

: Oh... Heh. Sorry? Thankfully, I have a backup plan! Har! I'm not Head Editor for nothing!

: And that would be...?



: If a customer comes, just sell them something, all right? I'll be snapping away over here!

: But that's so... fake!

: So, what's your problem!? Look, this is a shop, right? And you'll be selling stuff, right? Nothing fake about that! The customers will be happy, the shopkeep will be happy. I'll be happy... The readers will be happy! Ergo, everyone will be happy! ...Right!?

: Erm... You play this reporter thing fast and loose, don't you.

Today's mission: Sell people stuff! A bunch of customers will come in and describe what they want.


Here's our first customer.


The questions are usually pretty easy.


Answer correctly and they'll jump for joy. You'll get a reward at the end based on how many you get correct.


You should know most of them just from playing the game.


And some of them you just have to guess! Which is pretty annoying!
As far as I know, the correct response for the Chocobo is to repeat what they said.


Damn straight we do.


The rest of the customers were pretty easy, but then we got this curveball.

This one's easier than the Chocobo. You may recognize the customer: it's Mayhew of Prima Donna, from whom we learned the Raptor job! Obviously a celebrity like her wants stage-star glasses.


Barring the really annoying customers, this mission is easy.

: Well, well, that wraps that up. Let's see how you did, shall we? The number of customers satisfied by your -ahem- efforts was...



: Ooooooooooh! It's a miracle! You have served the people here today... literally! And now I have everything I need to write the perfect report on commercial perfection! Let me give you this by way of thanks!


This reward isn't really worth it though!

: Heh, I knew I had it in me. Looking forward to the article!






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This mission is... alright? It probably would be a pain if we weren't so overleveled.




I guess it's the Art and Culture edition?

Lian is taking some time as a Templar, the job unlocked by Bishop.



: This month, we'll be taking a look at the pots of a master potter... and lending a hand! With your help, and with the expert tutelage of LePot the 3rd, I will make a visual record of his works in clay! ... Okay, I'm recording, so you put five of the master's pots on those stumps.



: Great pots... But isn't it a little silly putting them out where those monsters might get them?

: Not to worry! No monster would so much as look twice at these piles of... exquisite pots! All right. Best feet forward! Let's report!

: Piles of... what, Head Editor? Whatever. Five pots on the stumps. Got it.




There's a bunch of weak enemies -- they're about 20 levels lower than us now -- and more will appear if we kill any of them.


However, only one monster will spawn it at a time.


After a couple rounds of Magick Frenzy, we're down to just a couple enemies. More will appear soon, but we're clear to place some pots.

You want to keep the enemies away from the pots. While they'll prefer to focus on you, they can and will destroy the pots you've placed. Conditions like Sleep, Stop, Immobile and Addle are your friends here! They will incapacitate the enemies without summoning any replacements.

Or you can just brute force it by killing as many enemies as possible.


The Head Editor comments on each pot you place.


After some more Magick Frenzy, we've got all the pots placed.

: Woooo! Perfect! Almost as perfect as the photos I just took! I now make straight for my desk to put pen to paper, and order to words!

: Great. Looking forward to reading all about it.






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Prima Donna! Ivalice's preëminent idol group! Of course we're huge fans, we have to apply!


This one also starts with an interview.

: And we're looking at... That's right, Prima Donna! Ahem! But before we get started... I'd like to conduct a simple interview, if you would? All right, here goes! ...





No, no, we'll choose the correct answer this time.



: Hey, I did it!

: So, if I may begin... We'll be reporting out of Fluorgis this time. I'll be heading out now! See you there! And don't go forgetting!

One boring ferry trip later...






We only get to bring 3 units with us this time.

: Greetings, faithful readers, Bonga Bugle here! This month we're turning our all-seeing, all-knowing, all-telling eye on... the four ladies of Prima Donna!

: It's safe to say you've got it all: looks, talent, and the charisma to bring in the crowds! You're amazing! Simply amazing! Incidentally, I'm a big fan myself! Maybe I could get an autograph, hrm...?



: Eh heh heh, my luck has turned! I'll wager those pretties would fetch a pretty ransom!



: Eh...? Someone's here? No, it can't be! Rogues intending harm on Prima Donna!? Have no fear, Prima Donna! I, Head Editor at the Bugle shall defend your honor with my life! ...Ahem. Assistants! Get out there!

: What's this...? Prima Donna wishes to fight too? And...and you'll protect me because I seem more in need of protecting than anyone else? R-Really! Well, I couldn't pass up a chance like this. What a photo op! Well, what are you waiting for? Let's get on with the scoop!

: Hrrm? They're protecting that fat coot with them... Ha ha! He must be more important than all of them combined! Change of plans, boys! We're taking down that fat old seeq!

: Is it just me, or are they going after the Head Editor now? Well, I don't know why, but I guess we'll just have to make sure they don't get him!




Working up close and personal with Prima Donna! What a scoop!


Prima Donna can handle themselves, and I brought Frimelda to cover the Head Editor.


Of course, he can just turn himself invisible instead.


Prima Donna has a good mix of abilities. As far as guests go, they aren't too bad! Better than the Editor, anyway.


Of course, the Editor insist on fighting anyway, despite being 20 levels lower than everyone else.


It's a 7 vs. 4 battle, we aren't going to have much trouble. Even better, the Editor is hidden away from most of the action.

Also yes, I did accidentally hit Valentyne, the Spellblade of Prima Donna. Oops.


Hey look, it's the one Blue Magick spell that actually works with Magick Frenzy! We'll probably never use it for that.


Moments later, the last couple enemies fall.



: And thanks to you, I've taken the picture of my career! Time to head back to the office and weave a story from the threads of the day! I'm grateful to my assistants too, of course.

: If you're happy, we're happy. Looking forward to the article!

: Thank you, thank you.






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Well, that's the first set of quests done. Four down, eight to go!

I really do enjoy these quests. They're quirky, bite-sized episodes that give both levity and world-building.